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Lost in the Stacks

Don't Send Search Party

It's been a long time...

And, if anyone is still out there, floating in the cyberspace void, I'm sorry I haven't been on.

I could explain.  I could give excuses.  But it boils down to life kicks you in the teeth sometimes.

I haven't been writing much.  I've had some things happen that just froze me for a while.

I can't promise that I'll write much or often but I can promise that I shall try.

And I can say, in all honesty, I missed you.  I hope your lives have been going better than you dreamed.

Love, I guess
Ok, crunch time.

I don't identify as anything, really, when it comes to the whole sexual/gender spectrum.  Oh, there are terms that come close but none that really work.

And it bugs the hell out of me even as I suspect that this state of affairs is a relatively normal state of being.

We all try on labels and keep the ones that feel most true or that we want to be true.

And the reasons that we focus so much on romantic partnerships is that the world is geared to make a two person adult household the most workable solution.

Stop and look around if you don't believe me.  I am quite sure that you will find many examples.  Taxes, food packaging, basic living expenses.

It is also something that we are trained to want.  A partner.

And, I must admit, the older I get the more that the idea of someone there for me (and me for them) holds greater and greater appeal.

But, while I am quite capable of finding the various physical forms of my fellow bipedal humaniods (hey, it is possible that there is intelligent life out there and with my luck being what it is I'll find a life partner from Alpha Centari...and I'm not talking Babylon 5 here) attractive, few, if any, hit the 'oh, yes, sex please' buttons

(That is, of course, assuming I have them.  I'd like to think that I do and the wiring just isn't hooked up yet.)

So I label myself as mostly asexual, as functionally asexual, but not aromantic.

But there are very few people out there who would be willing to enter into a relationship without sex.  And I find that it seems to be an expected thing.  And I am old fashioned.

And my self worth is enough that I think I'm worth waiting for.

-sighs-  maybe I just need to develop a correspondence romance.

I've been gone but I've come home baby mine.
So, haven't written in this for a while.  or any of my other journals come to that.

That WILL change.

So I'm home, my darlings.  Back to writing.  For whatever that is worth.

Let the bells ring out, let us shout hurray for I am BACK this very day.


Gambling, Lottery and the Politics of Money, An Ongoing Discussion: Part I*
Remember the golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules.

And this is as true now as it was 10, 50, 100, 1000 years ago. Money can, and often does, equal power. It is nearly impossible for a poor man to take public office. Campaigning costs money. Ads, articles and conventions are big business and it shows from the designer dresses and thousand dollar power suits to the perfect teeth, hair, nails and skin. Looking that good costs money.

Most people will never have that kind of power, will never have that kind of money. Even if they work their whole lives. Most people, today, in my country, are lucky if they are able to make ends meet. Most live paycheck to paycheck. Many of them worry about not being able to work because of injury or layoffs.

Money worries are the number one stress in America today. Because no matter what you do it's far more likely to fall than it is to rise.

So does this mean that people give up? Some. Some keep plodding onward thinking that they might not have what they want but their children or grandchildren will.

The last group places it's faith in the vagaries of fate and the providence of luck.

In other words, they gamble. And, since gambling is illegal in most places, they do it in the most legal way possible: they play the lottery.

Does this mean that most of these people are stupid? OF course not. But it does mean that they hold on to the hope that they will win the jackpot, the prize, the millions.

Because they don't see the money. They see what the money can do. They see that the mortgage will be paid, the kids will go to college, the bills will never pile up again. They see not an easy life or a worry free one but they see the beginnings of the power that money has. The freedom that it holds.

And they want it. So they take the part-time minimum wage or fixed income paycheck and set aside a few dollars for the possibility of power.

And never mind the politics that go along with it...

(To be continued...)

*Rather a lofty title, but I'll try to live up to it.

Wool for sale
So...me, not writing. This is not news.

Look my life is boring and some of the things in my head are only interesting in my head.

It's a thing. But!

I have lovely friends who give me memes. Which at least give me something to write about. SO this FIVE! (Don't look at me, I didn't name the thing and at least it is ridiculously easy to remember) meme given to me by [personal profile] vikingprincess will maybe get me writing again...

Either that or I'll become a complete memesheep...

Oh, and the meme in question before we get to my answers: "Comment to this post saying “FIVE!” and I will pick five things I would like you to talk about. They might make sense or be totally random.

Then post that list, with your commentary, to your journal. Other people can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself, hopefully for the rest of eternity!"

My Five:
Mythological creatures (pick one, pick a bunch, whatever you'd like)Collapse )

2. Online RPGsCollapse )

3. The Best Version of the X-MenCollapse )

4. Organized ReligionCollapse )

5. CreativityCollapse )

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I've been too depressed to write.
I'm sorry that my life takes up too much time.
I'm sorry I'm so angry at the little things
But it seems as if that's all it takes.

I'm sorry it seems like I don't care
With my blank face and thousand yard stare
I'm sorry I'm acting when I'm getting paid
But being employed has always been that way

I'm sorry I don't make sense and only sometimes rhyme
I'm sorry but it takes too much damned time
I'm sorry I want what I can't have
A list too long, I assure

And I'm sorry but it seems I can't take much more.

My limits are pushed and I don't want to play.
(Although I haven't in quite that way)

I'm just tired and angry and depressed and sore.

And I need to say...before I didn't anymore.

Was this supposed to be a milestone?

Poem: Appointment (rough, very rough)
I have an appointment in a while
A meeting I must keep,
So I shall not tarry here for long
And to my bed I'll creep.

I have an appointment in a day
or a month or a year
Or perhaps longer still
I know not the place, save here

I have an appointment I must keep
In a time I do not ken
All that is certain is
It is an appointment for all of men.

(uggh, we can tell I haven't been writing, can't we)

Poem: My day
Trudging through the day
With head bowed and body braced
Going nowhere

Went to the beach today, swam in the ocean.

It was rainy and cloudy so it was almost completely deserted. Miles of dun-white sandy beach and blue-green salt water that stretched into blue-grey sky...

It was lovely.

There's something so incredibly soothing to me, being in the water. Something that calls to what I guess I have to call my soul. Sometimes I just want to lay back and drift away into forever...

But instead I come back to sand and sky, leaving the water behind me, back to a reality that is less than what I want but is what I have to deal with, so I do...

But I do miss the ocean...